Boundaries: 5 Keys to create healthier relationships & make life less hassle

by Marteka Swaby August 10, 2016

Boundaries: 5 Keys to creating healthier relationships & make life less hassle




Being easily understood


Many of us are brought up with clear indications of boundaries, even if these are not explicit. Most of us know where to draw the line and have a moral compass to guide us on what is right or wrong.


Make life hassle free and avoid being manipulated by others at work or even in close relationships, whether you have grown up in a dysfunctional family, where boundaries were rarely set or you are in a relationship where you need to start putting boundaries in place.


If you are struggling to set even one boundary perhaps you feel like you are been misunderstood. Understanding where your boundaries are may help you to take control of your life, especially if you always say ‘Yes’ even when it is hurts you or really you mean no!


Learning when to say ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are essential to being understood making freedom possible.


Knowing where to draw the line will help you to deal with problems, before they spiral out of control or reaching a point where a lot of hurt and damage has been done. Simply put some people will waste your time and disrespect you.


Setting healthy boundaries avoids lots of pain and headaches later on. Do not allow others to control you, including those who fall into the category of your nearest and dearest. Set clear boundaries from the onset and be easily understood.


Pushing the boundaries


Breaking down the geographical boundaries with technology, our modern view of the world is that all things are permissible. I was raised in a generation that was taught to believe I could do anything I set my mind to if I worked hard. It is not necessarily a bad thing to constantly push boundaries.

Pushing boundaries and making history all the time is one thing that separates Lady Gaga from all other artists. It’s a beautiful feeling to leap over boundaries, to know that our music transcends so many boundaries, touching millions of hearts. But, we need boundaries to remind us of who we are and stop us going too far.


If you don’t push boundaries you won’t conquer new territory. Knowing, protecting and enjoying the self requires clear boundaries to start with and consequences that keep you safe. Developing healthy boundaries is a positive discipline and setting boundaries is a key ingredient for improving relationships, reducing stress and improving your happiness.


5 Keys to developing healthier relationships


1) Set expectations to create a place of harmony in your home. It can be hard to set boundaries when we have been conditioned to be nice instead of truthful. Don’t be afraid to say ‘NO’. It is not easy at the time but people will learn to respect you, even if they push against the boundaries you have set, this is normal. Remember you are shaping their responses so make sure you don’t move them!




2) Keep it simple.  You can’t make others change or control your external environment, but you can control your own responses. Take responsibility for the things you can and set boundaries that help you take personal responsibility, allowing others to take responsibility for the things they can and setting their own boundaries. Be more mature, less complex in you dealings with people.




3) Confront people with the behaviour you find difficult to cope with and that is affecting your life. Work out a solution with them. If you are in conflict with someone, avoid taking your grievances to a third party. But own the behaviour by expressing to the other person how it makes you feel, rather than excusing them of being bad and making you a victim. Confrontation helps both parties to grow, giving an opportunity for new boundaries to develop.




4) Avoid compromising your integrity. Be true to yourself and what you believe in. If the other person does not agree with you, stick to your boundaries. Your integrity is a great guide of how you should conduct yourself. Be honest, but respect other people’s boundaries.




5) Some boundaries are fixed and others will need to be flexible. To allow for the unpredictability of life and people avoid black and white thinking, or right and wrong scenarios, this leads to conflict. Instead try to compromise where possible and be open to negotiate boundaries. Even just being open to having a discussion and understanding the other persons perspective creates healthier boundaries.


If you would like to learn more about how to improve relationships, reduce your stress and increase your happiness.


Visit and get your FREE copy of The First 3 Steps to Positive Thinking.


Marteka Swaby
Marteka Swaby